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Aditi Goud

3 years ago

To me, if you'll ask, If I'm okay I'll nod my head aside hiding my tears beneath I'll just roll my eyes. "I'm fine" would be a constant reply and to none I'm ever gonna rely, I'll be honest to thee, but I waited for a call from thy; You see it's hard for me to choose a side between mine and you And if it's you there, I already lost me. I was an empath maybe I still am, but I'm gonna cage that me away; for each person I meet is an apath, even you turned out to be one of them you broke my walls and ... Honey I thought you did it for me, but you did it for yourself just to find a place as cozy as my heart so you could stay for a while and whenever the "forever" would knock you'll too just run away. So tonight I'm gonna drag you out with my own hands, you'll be barefoot and all astounded to see me as a devil that you thought never existed. But My Darling, you're the only one who told me we all keep monsters within. -Aditi Goud #creatorshala #blog #poetry #poem #aditigoud #lifestyle #literature #english #writer #writing #blogging #blogger #typerwriter #photography

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It’s time to stop apologizing for how you are. Stop apologizing for the way you feel everything so deeply and intensely, for the way you always give your heart no matter how many times you got broken, for the way your heart falls in love. It’s time to stop listening to the people who tell you to slow down. It’s time to stop vanquishing how you really feel because nothing feels better to you than setting your heart free, nothing feels better than expressing yourself for who you are, nothing feels better than people admiring you for the real you. It’s time to stop apologizing for the way you put the pieces of your heart back together or how you heal. It’s time to stop apologizing for the way you protect yourself by letting only selected people in. Stop apologizing for closing the doors on the face of people who no longer bring you joy and happiness. Stop apologizing -Whether you love too much or too soon, whether you’re too trusting or too forgiving whether you’re too emotional or too romantic. It’s time to stop apologizing for not wanting or wanting to settle, for not playing the games on people, or for not wearing a fake mask so you can seek attention. It’s time to stop apologizing for searching for the right kind of love instead of just falling into the wrong arms just because everyone around you is in a relationship. It's time to take back your love from those who don’t value it. it’s time to cut off all the strings and slam the door shut to those who trample you. Stop apologizing for how you fight for love, how you break open, and then heal yourself again. You can always change what you have now. Stop feeling sorry for yourself when you know your heart is in the right place. You don't need to apologize for how your heart feels. . . . - Tanya Shrivastava IG- tanyaashrivastavaa @talesandunicorns . . . . . . . . #Creatorshala #Fashion #Blogger #Creatorshalablogger #Influencer #Creator #Photography #Fashionblogger #Love #Instagram #Contentcreator #Makeup #Beauty #Style #Creatorshalainfluencer #Photooftheday #Lifestyle #Follow #Model #Ootd #writer#author . . . . . . . . .

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“I don’t love you. I am breaking up with you. You deserve someone better than me. It's just not working out let’s take a break”. I know these words hurt like hell. But, have you ever been to a place where you knew that the other person can be your potential partner? You knew at some point you just clicked with each other. When you talked to them you literally felt the whole zoo in your stomach. You used to get a forever kind of vibe from them. You remember cackling up even on their worst jokes. You both knew that you’ll be a perfect fit for each other. You felt so ready to be with each other that you weren’t even afraid to make the first move. You both knew you had unsaid feelings for each other. You used to talk and share stuff with each other daily. You were ready to give yourself away because you just wanted to be with them so much. But, one day out of nowhere that person decides to ghost you completely. They stopped replying to you or they replied to you late. They stopped checking up on you. No, one talks or says about how an almost relationship hurts like a real breakup. Yes, there were no commitments towards each other but there was a hope that one day you may get together. You knew you carried potential. But they were just too much afraid of being in a real thing. They knew that you guys will be together for the long run. They knew that you will always be going to stick up with them. But they just ran away like a coward. Damn, that hurts like hell.No one tells about how much their absence hurts because lowkey you guys never even got to be with each other for knowing how the things will work out for you. No one ever said moving on was easy. But sometimes it feels like getting over the end of an actual relationship is like a brisk walk in the park compared to the nights we spend awake missing something with someone that we never really had. You try to initiate a conversation with them to know how they are doing but they take days to reply to you. You just don’t know how to feel or what to do anymore. what sucks more is not just the memory of how amazing it was, but what it could have been. They just didn’t choose you. It was like they wanted you but they never wanted to be with you. They will legit choose someone for their time pass over you. we never know whether they faked the whole thing or just didn’t wanted to with us or couldn’t give us what we needed. Don’t expect that one day they will come running back ready to give their all. It’s likely not going to happen, and if it does, it probably will not come in the shape and form that you hoped. No, they’re not going to show up at your door in the pouring rain and say I miss you. It's not a movie. You deserve to be seen. You deserve to be chosen. You deserve to be feel wanted. Your feelings are valid. You can’t just sit around hoping they will come back. Once you can let go of what feels like a missed opportunity with the perfect person for you, you can open yourself up to new opportunities, even if that means sucking it up on shitty dates with knockoffs of them. Because before you got into that almost relationship, you were probably trying to get over or someone or something else, looking for that bond that you thought you would never find again. But you did, even if you weren’t destined to. And if it happened once, it will happen again. Just hang in there. - Tanya Shrivastava . . . . . . Find me on IG - @tanyaashrivastavaa @talesandunicorns . . . . . . .#Creatorshala #Fashion #Blogger #Creatorshalablogger #Influencer #Creator #Photography #Fashionblogger #Love #Instagram #writer #author #lifestyle #Style #Creatorshalainfluencer

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Aditi Goud

3 years ago

Today at 6 in the morning I decided to go against my daily mood of laziness so I got up from my bed, brushed my teeth, Washed my face with the cold water splash. //I could still hear your voice from our yesterday's voice call. "Aditi" you said in the exact tone that depicts the reluctance of letting go but a self control of hiding it.// I patted my face dry. Tied my hairs in a bun. Wore the most cozy sweatshirt that I stole from Bhai and sneaked out of the house in my pyjamas. It was my second day of terrible pain of period cramps yet I needed a break. //A break from the feeling of this constant loneliness inspite of having so much people around me; a break from the loop of your voices that were running in my head; break from the rejection of my heart for accepting the truth that was right infront of me.... I won't be able to meet you for a long time now.// I walked out from the colony to the highway, passing past the Shani temple. There's no Sunshine today. //Just like the fog on my way that blurs the buildings around, the liquid in my eyes was blurring my vision even more. Yeah... My heart's weeping out through my eyes after a really long time.// The morning today was silent than the usual ones. There's no bird on the trees to chirp. There's no cloud in the sky to give me company. I'm all by myself, my head and the thoughts. Well, lately I asked for writing suggestions on my Insta story. Guess what was the most common response? 58 people asked me to write something about long distance relationship. Funny , isn't it? How could I ever write on that? When I can't even cope up with something like it in my real life. //"Maybe it's the distance thing that we are thinking we couldn't work because we weren't habitual of it" was your response when I asked why we don't work anymore. Distances! Well yes, maybe distances can make me feel much more vulnerable than you alone could do. Maybe, it can take away the chance from me to hug you tight enough that We both gasp for breaths in the end at the times of need. Maybe I couldn't be angry and get calm all at once when I look in those eyes full of love. But there's this one thing that distances can't change. It's the fact that more distances just makes me dream about you more. To think about you more. To miss you more and to fall in love with you more, with each passing moment.// All of these thoughts made me walk far enough that now I was standing at the very place where we used to spend our time together. Where you hummed a song for me standing right beside me for the very first time. "Saari ki saari meri hai tu ,tujhko kabhi na me bantu....To... Sun mere hamsafar, kya tujhe itni si bhi khabar...." All those beautiful memories of the late evenings played their own respective slideshows in my head. And now my lips were smiling while my eyes were crying. I took my cellphone out, and typed a text in it on your name. - " I wished everyday to hold you once more. It was always you that made me dance in my dreams. You are the fountain of good fortune for me. If I could just stay with you forever, I would. If I could I'd hand you out my beating heart on a platter. " //My insanity for you was on it's peak. You know I'm damn stubborn when it comes to you but I just stopped showing it in front of you.// *A deep exhale* I pressed back on my cellphone. And started stepping towards the place where I live. I won't call it my home. Because...... you know why!. -Aditi Goud #creatorshala #blog #blogger #content #caption #read #reading #reader #blogging #art #artist #home #writer #travel #photography #winter #writing #author #poetry #story #storyteller #love #morning

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//??????? ??????? - ????????? ??? ???????? ?????// Laying on my bed wide awake, Struggling to sleep through it again. Asking questions to myself, Where did it went all wrong? Why did it happen to me? Why does it have to happen to anybody? I was just a kid. What was my fault? All those unwanted and inappropriate touches still haunt me, All those words trying to manipulate me to get physically involved still haunts me. It tore me apart, My behavior got changed severely. I became quiet and even my family thought I have become an arrogant, obnoxious person. Little did they know, From an extroverted person, I became introverted. I hated speaking publicly or even speaking to a group of 3-4 people I started blaming myself. I know i should have been more aware of my surroundings, I should have dressed up more appropriately, I should have been tutored at home only. At least, if I hadn't gone out It wouldn't have happened to myself Maybe, it was my fault that I didn't take enough care of myself. I knew it was wrong, I knew I never wanted that to happen with me or to anyone. Even in my worst dreams, But, it did. It's still hard to believe but it did. I wanted to tell my close friends about it, But I couldn't. I couldn't. I was scared. I tried to stay alive. I tried to rip myself open. I harmed myself physically, As I didn't want to feel it mentally Something, inside me, kept telling that I should keep going. My mind said bottle-up everything sweetheart, no one actually cares. Even if they do They won't stop gossiping about it, They will spread it like a juicy rumor. Days and nights were havoc. As, I grew up, I kept on thinking about those little incidents, All those things became clear. All those gut feelings were real. I still get numb. I still get panic attacks. I still have trouble sleeping. I still suffer silently. I still am in pain. I still don't know how to remove those imprints from my body and my soul. I'm still struggling to fight with my demons, I know it may be just another story Or another incident for you. I hope one day, everything will be fine. I hope, no one has to go through this trauma and pain. I hope one night I will sleep just fine, When goodnight really means a goodnight. -Tanya Shrivastava IG- @tanyaashrivastavaa || @talesandunicorns . . . #Creatorshala #life #Blogger #Creatorshalablogger #Creator #follow #Influencer #writer #Love #Instagram #positive #healing #like @creatorshala

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Aditi Goud

3 years ago

Wondering over the whispers Of your name, Poured by the icy winds Into my eardrum. I sushed my pacing heart for a second To cope up with the silence of the dry night. With my tearful eyes, Pulling my coziest blanket over my face, {Well it's still less warm and cozy than your arms} I tried to cover my ears. //It's been more than 9 months, since the day I kissed your lips. "Wasn't this distance enough? "// I screamed at the breeze, "Shut up"! Well, the winds are as stubborn as Me; It kept calling you! Just like the beats of my heart do. //I so wanna hear your voice Right now!// I took my cellphone... '2:37 am' - I could read on my screen. ( Fuck it) //no it's not the emotion of the time. It's the emotion that triggered my memory And shot 'I CAN'T CALL YOU' right on my mind.// *Well, I miss your sleepy voice and that bit of depth in the tone it carries in this hour of time.* The breeze blew again, Right by my cheeks. I brought my palms to my face. 'Walking down the memory lane again!' //Do you remember how Much I love to hold your face in my palms?// Realising that, it's one of those sleepless nights again, I decided to write a letter on your name. "Dear love, It's 2:58am , and just like every night since a few months, here I am writing to you in the middle of this freezing dark hour. Well, My tongue has waited quite enough to tell you How much I love you, that it has become all parched. I was already missing you like hell and all of a sudden the coldness in the air around me, made me crave for your warm arms. The touch of your fingers that I used to Wear over every inch of my skin has now shed off. I couldn't remember that last leap of my soul into your eyes when I looked straight in them at our depar...ture....." I don't know what to write to you honestly. Because there's nothing that you haven't read before or that you are unaware of. //I crumbled the letter and threw it over a pile of my draft writings.// *A heavy sigh* My heart was still thrombing as if it's in a race. I placed my hand over my chest. *Sobbing* I couldn't hold this any longer. I need you to be here. I want you to know how soft tickles can make you laugh sweetly; how handsome you look when you are all messy and... *I paused for a moment.* I stood up. Put on my earphones and decided to decieve The winds. I wiped my tears and played some classic Bollywood music from 70s. "Aanewala pal jaane waala hai....." Played through my tympanic membrane, Causing a vibration straight to my heart. A realisation. With all the dawns that I went to sleep at, and the dusks I watched over in your memories, there's a constant ache of loss. A loss of all those promises that I made to you in the mere hope of having the same promises from your side. A loss of my smiles , that I only shared with you and without you, there's nothing real in it. A loss of the feeling of existence in my own life, without you , I don't feel the same "Alive". A loss of that eternal belief in love.... A loss ....of nothing... But YOU, my love. //I pulled out my earphones. Pushed away the blanket. Letting the breeze pat over all of my body.// The winds were still calling for you. To them I spoke now, "Things against the terms of forever were something I always argued on but I guess, Klaus was right ~ Nothing lasts forever after all. For me, FOREVER IS AN EMPTY PROMISE. A promise we all do to our loved ones, Inspite of knowing it's not true and it can never be kept..... I hope HE feels this "hollowness" too Just like I do." Finally the winds seized. - Aditi Goud #creatorshala #blog #blogging #writer #writing #fiction #art #artist #night #love #forever #tvd #to #photography #blogger #kishorekumar #music #poem #poetry #poet

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// ?? ? ℂ?ℕ'? ℍ??? ??? //? Song by - @shawnmendes -- -- You're always on my mind, no matter what. I tried to distract myself by doing stuff like writing or reading or listening to music but there you're in small fragments in everything I write, read, or listen to. There's always a little essence of you in everything I do. I know you think about me too, I just wanna come running to you. Everything feels so pointless without you. I just want to tell you how much I love you and how much you mean to me. I want to give ourselves another go. ?? ?? ??? ???? ???? Even if I am at an amazing place full of scenic beauties with my friends, you're the one constantly 'on my mind'. I've been reminiscing our old moments, all the happy memories, all the highs, and the lows. I didn't sleep last night because after such a long time you sent me a cute heartfelt message and I've been reading it again and again. I got consumed with all the thinking about our stupid mistakes and how we left things. I wanna know what made you sent me the text, do you want to get back together, or were you just hungover either way I was on your mind and you did miss me? Even if you do want to start things from the very beginning, just so know that I want all of you this time - your heart, your body, your mind, your soul everything with "??? ??? ??????? ????????" I know even if you texted me out of the blue because you were feeling lonely or you just wanted to talk with someone and I clicked on your mind even if it was just a one-time thing, I can maintain distance with you respecting your boundaries. At that moment, I knew I was missing that feeling, that love, those pointless talks. I just hate admitting that I miss you and I miss what we had. If possible let's over with a clean slate this time. Because,"?????????? ????? ??????? ?? ? ???'? ???? ???". ~Tanya Shrivastava . . Find me on Ig- @tanyaashrivastavaa . . . . . #Creatorshala #Fashion #Blogger #Creatorshalablogger #Creator #Photography #Influencer #Fashionblogger #Love #Instagram #Contentcreator #Makeup #Beauty #Style #Creatorshalainfluencer #Photooftheday #Lifestyle #Model #Follow #Writer

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Aditi Goud

3 years ago

With her Rosewood fragrant palms Covering her face, to hide her tears She knelt down beside my bed. Tucking my hoodie, close to her chest She wept for hours and hours From morning till the sun did rest. Even the aroma of my sweat began to fade away Just like I did; from her life. Our memories felt like sharp blades Tearing her entirely open And cutting her into pieces. My portrait that resides in her mind is no longer a means for her comfort And now she just wants to go blind. For if she can't see me around, What's the point of having Those sparkling beautiful eyes that I fall for? She sobbed till her throat choked And cursing me for all the weeds that I smoked. For she couldn't accept the fact that I'm forever gone. Staring at the bare ceiling She screams " I love you beyond the Sun" For only We knew how much we loved the sunshine. I so desperately want to hold her in my arms And wrap her in the coziness of my abyss That she loves to sink in. But only if I could be alive from the dead To say aloud 'I'm still here', just for her To know. I'll carry her Aura within me for as long as I could; Here I lay Burried in the grounds within the casket of rosewood. -Aditi Goud #writer #writing #author #poem #tercet #creatorshala #girl #love #life #death #rosewood #casket #fashion #hoodie #lifestyle #photography #art #artist #blog #blogger #blogging

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